The Do’s and Don’ts of Difficult Conversations

If you want to be an effective leader, you must have strong communications skills and a good amount of composure. In today’s workforce, the only thing that separates one leader from the next, is how they communicate, handle conflict, and lead. Being a team leader can be an incredibly rewarding role but it comes with its challenges. And while handling difficult conversations may be the least appealing part of managing employees, it’s an important part of leadership that every manager should be prepared for—whether it’s about poor performance, attendance, peer conflict, or behavioral issues, these conversations are ultimately inevitable in any workplace dynamic.

It’s common for defenses to be high when having a difficult conversation, so it’s imperative that you have a plan for when they come about. Prepare ahead of time and pick a neutral time when it’s calm. Go into the conversation with an open mind and ready to listen. It takes a nanosecond to invoke defensiveness—employees may respond with a blank stare, a passive sigh, or even an angry rebuttal so be clear and concise, using non-defensive communication while also being professional and friendly in nature. Poor communication can affect morale, performance goals, and sales so take some time to ensure you know the facts and have a plan for whatever response you may get.

Below are some do’s and don’ts on how to effectively (and respectfully) navigate difficult conversations in the workplace while maintaining morale, fostering trust, and maximizing productivity.

• Do think about what you want to say and how you’ll say it—come prepared to have a productive conversation.
• Do sort out the facts beforehand and ensure you have documentation to support everything.
• Do create an environment of trust and honesty.
• Do use active listening and allow your employee time to provide feedback and ask questions.
• Do put yourself in their shoes and seek to understand what they’re feeling—defensive, embarrassed, etc.
• Do allow your employee to feel emotions and ensure you’re sensitive to their feelings.
• Do find a solution together—establish actionable items that both you and your employee are clear about.
• Do ask for confirmation at the end of the conversation to make sure everyone is on the same page.
• Do keep the lines of communication open and make it a point to check in on your employee in the weeks following your conversation.
• Don’t procrastinate having the conversation—a lack of action on your part can make things worse.
• Don’t have a difficult conversation where others can possibly overhear—ensure your employee feels safe.
• Don’t dance around the issue. Be as explicit as possible.
• Don’t let professionalism overpower humanity.
• Don’t begin with the end in mind. Consistently consider your employee’s perspective which can help provide a complete understanding of the problem.
• Don’t start the conversation in an accusatory fashion—avoid using “you” statements and instead focus on the behavior being addressed.
• Don’t be dismissive of your employee’s feelings.
• Don’t make assumptions or jump to conclusions—there may be circumstances at hand that you are unaware of.
• Don’t let your emotions get the best of you—difficult conversations are often over sensitive topics which can cause employees to respond defensively.

Difficult conversations can be awkward and unpleasant but with some thoughtful tactics in your back pocket, you can successfully address a tough situation and find effective solutions to whatever issues may arise while also ensuring you maintain respect with your team.